parody police

It’s not easy being a cop, and it’s not easy interacting with them — which makes for a pretty uncomfortable situation when you come face-to-face. What are you supposed to say? How are you supposed to act? Demonstrate utmost tact and respect toward our esteemed public servants with these handy tips.

Offer Your Assistance

If you notice an officer who’s having a rough time, offer your assistance! Maybe they are trying to arrest somebody who isn’t cooperating, or they are writing up a ticket. Here’s your chance to be a Good Samaritan for the day. Help them book that crook, aid them in scribbling whatever they write on that ticket, and whatever you do, don’t take no for an answer — many cops are too embarrassed to express gratitude.

Get out of the Car

When officers stop people on the road, it can really put them on edge. It’s hard to tell who is or isn’t a threat. One key thing to remember, then, is that you need to demonstrate that you have nothing to hide. If you’re pulled over, show your officer courtesy by quickly exiting your vehicle and speed-walking towards them with your hands in your pockets. This keeps the situation light and casual.

If he or she tells you to stop, they’re likely being shy. Police have a very reclusive lifestyle, especially when they’re cooped up in a car all day, so if they take out a gun or taser, that’s just their way of saying they’re feeling shy or unsure. Give them a taut hug, they’ll surely appreciate it.

Ask Them Out

But what about situations where you have not committed any infraction or crime? If you see an attractive police officer during your day — or really any police officer (a little attention can really help boost their self-esteem!) — it’s important to treat them like you would any other prospective love interest.

Keep things light and flirty. Some people engage in a teasingly fun game of “Got your gun!” The object of this game is to sneakily, but in as cute of a way as possible, snatch objects from the officer’s belt. Mind you, some cops can be a little tense after a long day or even just stuck up, so it’s advised to not start with such a valuable item as gun if you aren’t sure about the officer’s demeanor.

After swiping their handcuffs, hat, or other piece of equipment, you simply tease them, wave it over his or her head, and then proceed to introduce yourself. Don’t forget to jokingly “run away.” They’ll be sure to follow!


Police officers dedicate their lives to doing what none of the rest of us are willing to do. They help keep roadways safe, track down and stop potentially harmful activities, and save lives. It’s no one’s dream job, but they do it anyway. Don’t take this article seriously — give police the respect they deserve.

 

Resources:

A Day in the Life as a Cop

Ways to Engage with Law Enforcement

Wikipedia: “Contempt of Cop”

Assault and Battery Crimes in Maryland

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